[dropcap]I[/dropcap] don’t know how I missed being arrested for the sale of original Love quotes DVDs. I still have my bunch with me, though I am so scared of taking them to River Road again. Just buzz me in the comments sections of this post if you need an original copy of the DVD (special discounts apply).
Anyway, you do know that Kenyans are creative, don’t you? They are enterprising, opportunistic and everything else that comes in between those two. It’s called taking charge of the situation. Talking of which, the Start a Blog that Matters is here with us and I already have a list of dudes and dudettes who can’t wait to take charge of the situation. Here we go:
- Team Mafisi: Nyumba Kumi gives all Team Mafisi the opportunity to mingle and tangle.
So the neighbor’s cute daughter has been playing hard to get and avoiding you? Not anymore. It is time to get her contacts under the guise of Nyumba Kumi. You don’t even have to worry about the parents! Just tell them you are doing the Nyumba Kumi thing when they try to bounce on you. The worst scenario is when she wants to make you Nyumba Kumi and she ain’t a cute face. You will have to think of a fast one here. All the best pal!
- Magazeti: Your Nosy and Snitching Neighbors Just Got Live Coverage of your House
You know those neighbors who spread mucene more than the Daily Nation, NTV and the Standard all wrapped up in one? Well, guess what? Your nosy neighbors just got their first source of firsthand unbiased information about your house. Try to stop them and they turn into vindictive snitches. I can picture Mama Njeri pouting her lips as she tells the chief that she suspects you are hiding Mujahideens in your house!
- Team Mjengo: The Sufferers and Hustlers Just Got Free Meals
How do you expect me to eat Sukumawiki when the neighbor is tantalizing (read terrorizing) me with fried chicken aroma? Seriously, the government could not have picked a more opportune time to launch the Nyumba Kumi Initiative. In these economic times, I foresee a future where I will never miss another chai ya jioni session with my neighbor.
- Open Doors For GNLD Vendors, Switi, Koo na Peremende Retailers, Jehova Witnesses and their Peers
Have you stopped to think that Nyumba Kumi could actually be a fancy name for Jehova Witnesses? Preachers who have previously been restricted to long distance buses such as Nyar Ugenya and Mbukinya Poa will also have to be included in this list. So are their counterparts who sell “dawa ya kichwa…minyoo, mgongo, mafua na mapua”. Don’t forget about the Jehova Witnesses and their magazines…utahepea wapi round hii?
- Free WiFi For the Wannabe Neighbors
If thy neighbor denies you their WiFi password, just tell them it is a government directive. After kujuana be ready for those who will snugly prop their butts in your sofa and expect you to furnish them with your WiFi password. “It is just how the Nyumba Kumi works,” They will tell you. “I have a friend of a friend of my broad who lives in TZ. She tells me these things…hahaha”
Of course there are those who will tell you that Nyumba Kumi or no Nyumba Kumi, a good neighbor is the one who does not put a strong password on their WiFi.
On a serious note, how can we be looking up to Tanzania to structure our security policies. It is a bad idea, and Start a Blog that Matters says that much!